Headlines Circa 2059?

VIA SBINSIDER CONTRIBUTOR| March 23rd, 2024
- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
- White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.
- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
- Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 100 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
- France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
- The Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for president in 2060.
- Postal Service raises price of first-class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. and life expectancy is now at 57.2 yrs.
- 85-year and $375.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
- Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
- Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR, even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open Tuesdays and Fridays.
- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
- Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
- A Couple Finally Achieved Sexual Harmony. They had simultaneous headaches.
- Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches.
- New federal law requires that all assault weapons, ie; nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.
- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
- DOJ, FBI, CIA, NSA, IRS, DNC, NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, NPR are still searching for something that will posthumously convict Donald J. Trump.
Where do you get these. They’re great😂
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