Dishing Retirement Life with a Side of Prickly Pear

Meet Sonoran Sue! Advice for the flummoxed, love-lorn and hirsute challenged

Dear Sonoran Sue,

My husband and I recently attended a “meet and greet appetizer party” in our unit.It was supposed to be a casual way to meet neighbors, but we left more confused than welcomed. The men and women immediately separated like we were at a 1950s sock hop, the food table was attacked like it was the last buffet before a famine, and at one point a woman pulled a baggie of shrimp out of her purse “just in case.” Is this normal retirement community behavior, or did we accidentally join a secret society?

— Hungry and Alarmed

Dear Alarmed,

Oh sweetie, you didn’t stumble into a secret society—you’ve simply experienced your first true initiation into resort retirement living: The Meet and Greet. Let me unpack it for you:

Men vs. Women: Tribal Edition

Life in SaddleBrooke isn’t all sunshine and prickly pear margaritas. Some folks feel an irresistible pull back to the days when same-gender socializing was the norm. The women instinctively migrate to the kitchen, where they exchange orthopedic surgeon reviews and lasagna recipes—usually to be delivered to any single male in the area, regardless of whether he asked. Meanwhile, the men form a circle of folding chairs in the living room. They grumble about their golf game, heatedly debate over whether pickleball is a “real sport,” and offer passionate recommendations for taco joints “no one’s ever heard of” (despite 12,000 Yelp reviews saying otherwise).

The Feeding Frenzy

Appetizer parties here follow a unique social code best described as Hunger Games: retirement Edition. The moment someone uncovers the spinach-artichoke dip, it’s elbows out, eyes down, and a full-speed shuffle to secure a mini quiche. Move fast or be stuck with a limp celery stick and hummus that looks like it needs last rites.

The Shrimp Baggie Mystery

Ah yes, the purse shrimp. This odd little ritual has roots in a 2023 incident where a Costco shrimp platter led to a gastrointestinal Armageddon. Let’s just say the Oro Valley ER saw more action than the pickleball courts that week. Ever since, some folks bring their own crustaceans “just in case.” It’s not weird—it’s precautionary.

Bottom Line:

You didn’t join a cult, darling—you joined active retirement. There’s no rulebook.
Be open to new experiences, laugh a lot, and be grateful you got here.
Welcome to the neighborhood!

Yours in sass and sunscreen,

Sonoran Sue

Sonoran Sue welcomes your inquiries concerning retirement life. Send them to pu*******@*******er.tv