SONORAN SUE REPORTS: FAMILY CHAOS ON THANKSGIVING
CONTRIBUTED BY OUR RESIDENT CHANNELING FROM THE ALGONQUIN ROUND TABLE
Dishing Retirement Life with a Side of Prickly Pear
By the time the last piece of pumpkin pie was stuffed, and the tryptophan fog settled over Saddlebrooke, I did what any responsible journalist would do. I poured a modest digestif (medicinal), loosened the waistband I pretended was decorative, and began phoning residents to poll for the Most Embarrassing Thanksgiving Moment of 2025.
Friends, my conclusion: humanity remains deeply committed to public self-humiliation.
THE GRAVY SLIP-N-SLIDE
One family proudly served their bargain Fry’s turkey — past tense intentional. Husband, intoxicated on bourbon and confidence, announced he would “demonstrate core strength” in stocking feet. Unfortunately, a river of gravy lay between stove and card table that a “helper grandchild” previously spilled.
What followed was not a fall, more like a glide of destruction: twelve feet of uncontrolled momentum, a collapsing card table, and a low-flying turkey that landed right in the doggie bowl. Smart dog, he licked the entire thing before deciding which part he’d tackle first: the wings or drumstick.
THE ACCIDENTAL TED TALK
A hostess, three vodka martinis into midnight bliss, stood on a chair and announced she would “clear some things up about the Pilgrims” for her darling grandchildren. What followed was a 26-minute seminar involving the Mayflower, the Indigenous People, pop corn, the dangers of gluten, and a harangue about Medicare. Two of her grandchildren live-streamed it, and told her she already had 2,000 followers.
THE PANTS INCIDENT
One grandfather fought his adult son for the honor of carving Turkey. The son won, although he didn’t carve. His father was so engrossed in the carving ritual that when he bent over and split his pants from horizon to horizon, he calmly continued as if nothing had happened. When his youngest grandchild announced, “Grandpa broke his butt,” and captured it on his cell phone, the son proclaimed himself the winner.
My prickly pear persona aside, let me say that these hilarious memories of family malfunction will be forever embedded in the minds of your children and grandchildren. So much more than if things had gone perfectly. Until next time, may your gravy remain fluid, your pants structurally unsound, and your inebriated harangue remain a lesson for your descendants to carry forward.
With uncharacteristic sentimentality,
Sonoran Sue
Susan Kravitz is the creator of the Comedy Klatch performing troop in SaddleBrooke. Her crew will be performing several skits in February of 2026.
