Sonoran Sue Investigates: The Legend of the Fry’s That Wasn’t

(Because in SaddleBrooke, some legends are baked in the desert sun until they fossilize.)

Dear Sonoran Sue,
Years ago, we heard a Fry’s supermarket was going to be built right here on Oracle and SaddleBrooke Blvd. Land was cleared, we had a Porta-Potty sighting, and dreams were born. Then—nothing. Now the rumor mill is back in high gear, saying it’s finally happening. Can you tell me why it’s been stalled so long, and if it is coming, what we should expect?

— Out of Milk and Patience

Dear Out of Milk and Patience,

Ah yes, the Fry’s at Oracle and SaddleBrooke Boulevard—the grocery store that exists only in PowerPoint presentations and our collective imagination. . But here’s the truth: no shovel has ever pierced that dirt in the name of Fry’s. No ribbon cuttings, no ground-breaking ceremonies, not even a ceremonial coupon clipping.

Developers have blamed “construction costs” and “corporate delays,” but let’s be real: we also know the real (and extremely scientific) reasons:

Spreadsheet Mambo: Corporate keeps running expansion models that predict that on a typical shopping trip you’ll buy a jar of mayonnaise, one gallon of milk… and five bottles of Cabernet. The algorithm short-circuits and whispers, “not sustainable.”
Concrete Sticker Shock: The latest bid for concrete came in high enough to pave a runway from here to Yuma—twice—and still have enough left for an in-ground pool.
Traffic patterns: Traffic studies keep crashing after data input of senior driving patterns, I.e., “Executes a three-point turn that lasts long enough for city planners to rezone the intersection,” and ” 22 mph in a 45 zone, due to fear of missing the turn off three miles ahead.”
Power-Up Purgatory: The utility transformer is on a waitlist longer than the brunch line at Sunny Side Up cafe after church.
Cactus Custody Battle: Relocating a saguaro requires paperwork thicker than an orthopedic shoe sole, and a notarized letter from a hummingbird’s extended family.

I took it upon myself to contact Fry’s Corporate Headquarters, and they actually sent me a press release. Unfortunately, there’s no way to fact check this, but ingesting two margaritas before reading may help:

BREAKING NEWS: Fry’s Corporate Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Fry’s Marketplace is thrilled to announce the much-anticipated Oracle & SaddleBrooke Boulevard location will open “soon.”

2026: Groundbreaking ceremony, featuring executives posing with golden shovels… then quietly refilling the hole after the crowd disperses and driving away.
2035: Actual pouring of concrete, pending final approval of the “Perfectly Natural Desert Beige” color.
2042: Ribbon-cutting event featuring a kazoo band and commemorative pickleball paddle keychains.
2043: Store closes for renovations.

Shoppers can look forward to premium amenities, including:

An aisle dedicated exclusively to Cabernet Sauvignon.
A Cryo-Freeze Immortality Booth: Spend $100 or more, and receive 10% off having your body frozen until Fry’s finally opens.

Fry’s remains committed to keeping residents in suspense indefinitely. Thank you for your patience, your rumors, and your false hopes.

— Sonoran Sue
(Regularly driving past the proposed site, looking for signs of life.)