Sonoran Sue: Dishing Retirement Life with a Side of Prickly Pear – “Avocado Apocalypse”

Sonoran Sue: Dishing Retirement Life with a Side of Prickly Pear

Dear Sonoran Sue,
Yesterday I was at the self-checkout lane at Walmart when the man next to me—who I now refer to as “Avocado Apocalypse Guy”—completely lost it. He apparently rang up too many avocados, insisted the machine was robbing him, and then called the police on himself. By the time actual officers arrived, he was yelling about “corporate fruit laundering” and had to be handcuffed and escorted out.

I was standing right next to him, clutching my reusable tote and a rotisserie chicken like they were my last line of defense. It was scary, and frankly bizarre. Now I’m nervous to go shopping alone. What do you suggest for calming my nerves—and should I switch to curbside pickup permanently?

—Shaken in Produce

Dear Shaken in Produce,
Well butter my biscuit and scan it twice—I think you witnessed the first known case of Guac Rage! And while we all know self-checkout can make a person feel like they’re working for the store without benefits, yelling about “fruit fraud” and calling 911 over some extra avocados is a few pit stops short of acceptable Walmart behavior.

Let’s address the serious part first: It’s completely normal to feel rattled after witnessing someone behave erratically in public. Even in our sun-drenched desert paradise, we’re not immune to the occasional meltdown over techno mishaps.  If this shook you up, talk it out with a friend, go for a calming desert stroll at Tohono Chul Gardens, or treat yourself to a healing ritual—like yelling at your own microwave for closure.

As for shopping: Curbside pickup is a lovely modern invention for exactly these kinds of days. But don’t let one rogue avocado vigilante steal your grocery independence forever. Maybe bring a buddy next time—or better yet, head to Trader Joe’s where the only thing people get aggressive about is free coffee samples and seasonal dips.

Above all, remember: You stayed calm, you stayed safe, and you didn’t end up in handcuffs over overpriced guacamole. That’s a win in my book.

Keep your chin up and your produce count accurate.

—Sonoran Sue
Still paying off that one banana I forgot to scan in 2023