Sonoran Sue: Dishing Retirement Life with a Side of Prickly Pear
Sonoran Sue: Dishing Retirement Life with a Side of Prickly Pear| July 12th, 2025
Sonoran Sue tackles your burning questions with the wisdom of a sun-scorched saguaro and the attitude of a woman who’s had it with everything. This issue: the uphill battle of “escaping the heat” by heading to Pinetop, and why no one warns you about the elevation, the elk, or that bed at Nine Pines.
Dear Sue,
My wife and I are driving to Pinetop to escape the Tucson heat. We booked a few nights at Nine Pines Motel. It looks charming—woodsy cabins, vaulted ceilings, all that good stuff. Any tips for a smooth trip?
—Packin’ My Parka in Pinal
Dear Packin’,
Kudos to you for supporting our local tourist economy instead of flying off to Europe. Airports in the summer are highly overrated. TSA thinks your knee replacement is a pipe bomb, your flight’s delayed, and you’ve spent $25 on a bottle of water and a sad turkey wrap.
Road trips up to Pinetop do have their own downside. So be forewarned.
Let me start by saying this: If the words “cozy cabin” and “road trip” appear in the same sentence as “married more than 30 years,” proceed with caution.
SaddleBrooke to Pinetop:
The first hour is fine. You’re humming along, still speaking to each other. But by the time you hit the switchbacks near Salt River Canyon, your sinuses are screaming, your bladder is full, and your sweetie is muttering something about “why we didn’t just stay home and crank up the A/C.” You’ll stop for gas, which is code for “use the bathroom and regret every decision that led you there.”
Somewhere past Show Low, the air gets thinner, your GPS drops out, and you start hallucinating Trader Joe’s in the clouds. You’ll realize—too late—that you packed without your reading glasses and mistakenly packed Imodium instead of MiraLAX.
Altitude: Nature’s Way of Mocking You
Welcome to 6,800 feet, where tying your shoes feels like a triathlon and walking up a flight of stairs triggers an existential crisis. Your lips are dry, your ankles are puffy, and you’ve suddenly developed the lung capacity of a nematode. Hydrate, rest, and for heaven’s sake, don’t attempt yoga on the deck until your equilibrium returns. You’ll topple faster than your neighbor at happy hour.
Nine Pines Motel: Rustic Charm or Frontier Punishment?
Now let’s talk Nine Pines. Yes, it’s adorable. Yes, it smells like pine and nostalgia. But here’s the truth: that cabin bed? It has more lumps than your first wife’s mashed potatoes. The vaulted ceilings are quaint until you realize there’s no insulation and you’re sleeping under a skylight with a moth the size of a salad plate.
Also, “pet-friendly” is code for “hope you like mystery fur.” And if you thought you’d stream your favorite show at night? Think again. The Wi-Fi signal is powered by a single determined squirrel running on a wheel behind the front office.
Still, there’s a certain charm in hearing elk bugling in the night and wondering if a newly wed couple is in the next cabin.
So What’s the Verdict?
Despite the bumps, bruises, and borderline hypoxia, yes—go to Pinetop. Breathe that cool air. Watch the pine trees sway. Complain creatively. And if all else fails, toast Smores over the fire pit and reminisce about your summer Scout Camp days, minus your humiliating meltdown when your parents drove away.
But take it from me: next time, book a place with memory foam. Your lumbar spine will thank you.
Yours in pine-scented pain,
Sonoran Sue
Still hotter than a rattlesnake’s ass in July—and way more judgmental.
♣♠♥
Susan Kravitz is the creator of the Comedy Klatch performing troop in SaddleBrooke. Her crew will be performing several skits in Fall of 2025. Click here for the website.
