Hieroglyphics In SaddleBrooke Revealed
SBINSIDER SATIRE EXCLUSIVE | May 23rd, 2025
In an amazing discovery, hieroglyphics were uncovered on several of the walls that enclose homes along SaddleBrooke Blvd. As you can see in the photos, these markings, which so far have defied decryption can be seen by any resident who drives by the wall.
Graffiti or a message of doom?
At first, HOA1 staff thought these markings might be some form of graffiti. But after consulting the Italian Embassy language interpreters, they were told that the symbols did not resemble anything seen on walls anywhere else in the world. “These markings could be a revelation of a civilization that existed long before the Robson era of last century, ” said Bugatti Ferrari. Ferrari, a world renowned expert haruspex and part-time barber at the Italian Embassy also discovered long lost recipes on making pasta fusilli.
Further, experts at the UA Anthropology department when shown the photos were astounded by the find, proposing that “wall dwellers” could have lived in this area of the country and were wiped out by the last Ice Age or maybe an early form of COVID. “We know that “wall dwellers or wall men” were well established in the then jungle south-west of America but left no known written records until this discovery. “Disease could have wiped them out or the lack of proximal grocery stores (still a problem in modern SaddleBrooke) made food preparation extremely difficult so they moved to Oro Valley.
HOA1 Board members were contacted and they not sure what to do, or make of the markings. “We want to protect any important ruins that might be part of SaddleBrooke but on the other hand, the walls do need a fresh coat paint,” remarked one Board member.
“I guess the best way to proceed is to have several community forums at Desert View Theater and get the always expert opinions of the residents and maybe some academic input to make sure we put a good shine on what we know we are already going to do: Paint the Wall.
A message from aliens?
Spokesman for the Society of “wall dwellers” stated that “We will fight any attempt that might tarnish or eliminate these sacred markings. Our experts are sure this was an early example of the as yet unfound catechism of the WD’s” said Croma Pigment.
The SaddleBrooke UFO club weight in too, saying that these marking are no doubt a revelation about what really happened that night in Roswell New, Mexico.
Governor Hobbs office trashed any idea of finishing the painting “I strongly object to anything that might make SaddleBrooke look better. Those conservatives don’t vote for me anyway so I will veto when it comes to my desk. ” When Hobbs was reminded that the Governor has no say over HOA wall paintings, she tartly replied that she would contact the archeologists at the Federal Bureau of Antiquities and try to get an injunction. (The FBA was created in the aftermath of President Biden’s performance in the June 27th Presidential debate. )
As always in SaddleBrooke, expect much controversy to rage on social media as to whether the walls should be painted.
Early American Catechism?
Looks like vertical sumerian. Many people have interpreted them as the initial markings for a complete epigram that will eventually be obscured, hidden behind layers of plaster, to prevent them from being deciphered or damaged by outsiders.
I think they are writings of an alien civilization called the Zakarians of the planet Zakar. They are intergalactic pranksters who prey on seniors. They abduct them with a promise to restore years of life and then return them to earth. This however, is a false promise. What they really do is use them to be grandparents for their young, whose own species’ grandparents have left their planet and gone to a Robson Community on the planet Enol, where the medical care is far superior than that of Earth.