Hallogiving & Thankksmas — Retail Madness Unchained
Sonoran Sue Speaks Out
I was out on the town this week, fighting traffic, when I realized we have officially entered the most confusing season of all: that magical, bewildering, fattening stretch known as Hallogiving, which starts in September, soon to be followed by its even more unhinged cousin, Thankksmas.
And no, you won’t find these on the calendar — because retailers invented them in a secret back room smelling faintly of cinnamon brooms and corporate panic.
Let’s start with Hallogiving: I ask you, how can you be thankful and spooked out at the same time??? I’ll tell you how….I walked into Fry’s on September 12th — and was greeted by:
- Frozen turkeys wearing witches’ hats.
- In the fresh produce section, skeletons holding “Bless This Harvest” signs (mixed messaging?).
- A huge poster next to the instant mashed potatoes display of a double helping of this chemical goop topped with candy corn. How nutritiously special for our little ones.
Then, on November 1st, I walked into HomeGoods only to be greeted by a blasting of Feliz Navidad like it was a hostage interrogation. Desperate to sell off their Halloween inventory as Thankksmas descended upon us, they featured a giant witch cackling right next to a nativity scene with the wise men giving her the stink- eye. Not to be outdone in poor taste, there was a “Hanukkah Witch,” using the end of her broomstick to light the candles on a chocolate Menorah.
By Mid-November Thankksmas is in full swing. I waltzed into Home Depot, and was greeted by the signage:
LAST-MINUTE CHRISTMAS SALE — ONLY SIX WEEKS LEFT!
Their main display truly captured the fusion of Pagan, American history, and Judeo-Christian memes: An Elf on the Shelf spinning a dreidel, perched on top of a Cornucopia…which was stuffed with artificial holly, mini pumpkins, and wooden carved nutcrackers dressed as Fry’s employees, who were dressed as Pilgrims.
I suddenly understood why people start drinking eggnog at noon by mid November, and their Fitbits start sending condolences.
Just remember folks, the holidays are supposed to be just like the Hallmark cards tell us, and if you can’t reach that retail induced illusion of perfection, at least don’t spiral into a spiritual identity crisis.
Sonoran Sue Out here on Ridgeview, bowling for holiday dollars with a frozen turkey.
Susan Kravitz is the creator of the Comedy Klatch performing troop in SaddleBrooke. Her crew will be performing several skits in February of 2026.
